Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Losing my religion


Losing my religion

So I've mentioned my Dom before. The first Dom I've ever had, which was a really big and difficult step for me to make. I am submissive by nature, always have been, but I was raised to believe that submission=weakness. Even after 6 months, as much as I get a thrill out of little acts of submission, it's still hard for me to deal with bigger acts.
But now, after several very stressful weeks of soul searching and indecision, he has decided for his own personal reasons, that he can't be my Dom any longer, and even though it's been a while since we have scened or reallly had a D/s dynamic, it still hurts a little. I feel like I got dumped, and it sucks. I want him to do what he needs to do, and I would never want him to end up angry or resentful for me asking him to do or be something he can't, but now I feel like I have to start this whole journey again. Blah.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Bad Girlfriend


Bad Girlfriend

So, I seem to decide to post on here about every 10 days, which is far less than I intended when I started, but my life is pretty much just work-sleep-clean-do mom stuff-repeat. Which is hardly even interesting to live, so I can't imagine how boring it would be to read.
I'm still spending time with VanillaBoy, who actually has started a FetLife account, but hasn't had much time to explore yet. He told his ex about me, which made work today slightly awkward. I also feel bad because I just can't seem to hit my stride with him. He's nice and patient and sweet and wants to be kinky and wants to spend time with me, so of course, I have no clue what to do with him or how to act with him. I mean, I don't do mooshy, gooshy stuff, but I don't even know when I should or shouldn't text him, or call him cute names, or anything.
Nice guys are out of my realm of expertise.
In other news, I got a new job, which is YAY! Its a PRN position as a nurse with local law enforcement, which makes me feel totally bad ass and sexy. It also makes me wanna hit on hot cops. Men in uniforms with handcuffs and beating sticks.....mmmmm.