I want it that way

I want it that way.

So my Dom has decided to take a break from the lifestyle, which I fully support for various and sundry reasons, but I am now a sub without a Dom or a Top. A sub who very much misses the lifestyle (my own schedule has been in the way for some time now), and is craving a beating. The current vanilla boy I'm interested in is curious about everything and wants to experiment, but I don't feel that I am experienced enough to handle a newbie.
It's a frustrating position to be in, and I don't know quite what to do. Ask a friend to assault my body? Take up vanilla boy on his offer? Take up Malignus on his offer despite my fear of him and his hands of death? Or just suck it up and wait til Sir is ready again?
Have I ever mentioned how bad I am at making decisions?
In other, non kink related news, I had a great holiday weekend, even though I worked pretty much every day. It was my first Black Friday while working in retail and I survived, which I am quite proud of. I saw a lot of family I have missed, got some good old fashioned nerd time in, and met the above mentioned VanillaBoy. It was a long, but good weekend, its funny how much more I appreciate my family as I get older.
Hope you all had a great holiday as well.

All by myself

All by myself.

So, I got one of those job things everyone has been talking about. It sucks. Not the job itself, it is a decent job, I work with good people, and I have fun, despite the looong hours (13 hour day on Tuesday). But this is RUINING my social life. Literally, since I've started working, my family that I live with has apparently decided I don't need to get out of the house or have fun with friends, so they don't babysit anymore. So no more socials on Sunday evenings, barely ever see my friends, kinky or vanilla, and it has been about a month since I've had a spanking or beating.
I have no idea whats going on in my 'kink' world anymore, a new social group was started and I had no idea for like 3 days that it was different from the old one. My friends are talking about hanging out with people I don't know, and have never met. And it SUCKS.
Not to mention the HUGE lack of ability to meet guys or have a dating life, even if I could find one that wasn't a total asshat (see last entry), I wouldnt have time for them.
I'm obviously going to die alone, in a house filled with cats, and no one will realize I'm dead and the cats will eat my corpse and the only thing left for the cops to find will be my skeleton.
Blah.

Whose bed have your boots been under?

Whose bed have your boots been under?

So. Relationships....are difficult. Dating as a single parent is one of the hardest things to do, you have to make sure they are good people, decide when, if ever to introduce them to your kids, or how involved they are gong to be in your child's life, blah de blah. A million people have written about dating as a single parent. Trying to date as a single parent in the kink world is turning out to be far more difficult than I imagined.
Besides the normal dangers, unfortunately, the kink world has..well...perverts in it. I can be open and accepting of a lot of stuff, but dating guys who have certain kinks makes me uncomfortable having them around my child. I feel bad about it, but I can't change them, and I can't change how I feel, so that limits me in some ways. Then we have the fact that the BDSM part of my life is constantly growing, to the point where I can't imagine dating a totally vanilla guy. I doubt many men would be comfortable with me taking off my pants and getting spanked by another guy, but if they aren't willing to do it, I don't know what else I would do. So I'm stuck there. Plus, guys who aren't at least a little bit dominant just don't turn me on. I can't handle weak men, or submissive me. They drive me nuts. Not that weak and submissive are the same thing, but they are both synonymous for 'men I don't want'.
And then we have all the men out there who ruin dating in other ways. Men who can't seem to handle monogamy. Personally, as a woman, I get deeply offended when men solicit me for sexual things, when they are in relationships. Kinky or vanilla. I am not polyamorous. I am monogamous. I don't believe in having multiple sexual or romantic relationships. Just for me. I totally GET why people want/need more than one. You can't get everything you need from only one person, its almost impossible. I am just too jealous of a person though to share someone I love. Or to be shared. Its just not something I am comfortable with doing. And thats not bringing into account all the men who are NOT in any type of open relationship who proposition me. I don't enjoy being the dirty mistress, or the other woman. I am not going to sleep with you if you are not single. Period. End of discussion.
How am I supposed to date or have a serious relationship when all I ever see are lying cheating bastards? Okay, maybe not ALL, I do know a few guys who seem to be able to keep in in their pants...but its rare. I know judging all men on the actions of some is illogical and unfair, but it drives me nuts!
I spend more time turning down men in relationships than I do even TALKING to single guys.
Dating. Sucks.