Sweet Child of Mine
So, one of the reasons I started this was to air some of my concerns about being a good mother and being involved in this type of lifestyle. I have one child, a girl, who will be 7 next week. She is absolutely adorable, insanely smart (she's reading Harry Potter already, shes almost halfway through book no. 5), she's mouthy, and funny, and I love her to pieces.
She also loves it when I play 'bongos' on her butt, sometimes she bends over and tells me to kick her in the the tuckus, and I have seen her spanking her toys and stuffed animals before. A large part of me wonders if she is a 'hard-wired spanko', or just a curious kid. She does on occasion get spankings as a form of discipline, but since she started laughing at me when I would warn her about them, she mostly just gets a quick, surprise swat to the butt, at most. She could be simply acting out a familiar form of discipline on her toys, and I could just be reading too much into it, but I just can't tell yet. I'm not particularly concerned, if that is something she enjoys, then that is her choice, once she is a consenting adult, I'm just insanely curious about how her mind works.
I'll probably just end up leaving a book or two about kink out when she gets older, the way my mom left "Our Bodies, Ourselves" out when I was going through puberty. If she is interested she can learn a little and know its not some sick, bad thing, and if she isn't, then she can just think her Mom is a weirdo. I'm sure I'll have done many weirder things to annoy and embarrass her by that point in her life.
The whole goal of parenting is to bring a small person to adulthood as unscathed as possible, and able to make sane, intelligent decisions for themselves. It cant be hard to be sure I'm doing that when at times I wonder if I'm making sane, intelligent decisions for myself. All of this is complicated when you have a child who isn't stupid. She's asked me before why I have been walking funny the day or two after a scene, and shes even thought it was funny to come poke me in the butt when she notices me sitting down very gingerly. I have to be careful not to change in front of her, so she doesn't see the bruises on my butt. I tell her to stand up for herself and not let other kids bully her around, but I spend as much time as I can getting beaten til I'm a shaking, crying mess. Granted, since I do have a child to take care of, 'as much time as I can' usually only ends up being once every couple of weeks.
Maybe I'm just inviting trouble in, but I can't help but wonder how I would every explain any of this to her if the need arose, or wonder if living this way is going to have an affect on my ability to be a good parent. Can I teach her to be a strong woman, when I am a sub? Or are those two things not mutually exclusive?
*sigh*
I don't expect any magic answers, but these are all things I think about often.
She also loves it when I play 'bongos' on her butt, sometimes she bends over and tells me to kick her in the the tuckus, and I have seen her spanking her toys and stuffed animals before. A large part of me wonders if she is a 'hard-wired spanko', or just a curious kid. She does on occasion get spankings as a form of discipline, but since she started laughing at me when I would warn her about them, she mostly just gets a quick, surprise swat to the butt, at most. She could be simply acting out a familiar form of discipline on her toys, and I could just be reading too much into it, but I just can't tell yet. I'm not particularly concerned, if that is something she enjoys, then that is her choice, once she is a consenting adult, I'm just insanely curious about how her mind works.
I'll probably just end up leaving a book or two about kink out when she gets older, the way my mom left "Our Bodies, Ourselves" out when I was going through puberty. If she is interested she can learn a little and know its not some sick, bad thing, and if she isn't, then she can just think her Mom is a weirdo. I'm sure I'll have done many weirder things to annoy and embarrass her by that point in her life.
The whole goal of parenting is to bring a small person to adulthood as unscathed as possible, and able to make sane, intelligent decisions for themselves. It cant be hard to be sure I'm doing that when at times I wonder if I'm making sane, intelligent decisions for myself. All of this is complicated when you have a child who isn't stupid. She's asked me before why I have been walking funny the day or two after a scene, and shes even thought it was funny to come poke me in the butt when she notices me sitting down very gingerly. I have to be careful not to change in front of her, so she doesn't see the bruises on my butt. I tell her to stand up for herself and not let other kids bully her around, but I spend as much time as I can getting beaten til I'm a shaking, crying mess. Granted, since I do have a child to take care of, 'as much time as I can' usually only ends up being once every couple of weeks.
Maybe I'm just inviting trouble in, but I can't help but wonder how I would every explain any of this to her if the need arose, or wonder if living this way is going to have an affect on my ability to be a good parent. Can I teach her to be a strong woman, when I am a sub? Or are those two things not mutually exclusive?
*sigh*
I don't expect any magic answers, but these are all things I think about often.
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