To Sir, with love.
I have always been submissive to some extent. With my family, for as long as I can remember, especially my female relatives; my family is extremely matriarchal. The few men in my family have a tendency to yell when they want to be heard, and for the rest of the time, fade into the background. Even my abusive step-father, when he wasn't yelling or hitting, was just background noise to me. With my friends, from a young age, I would make suggestions, but for the most part, bow to their wishes and whims. Even when I did try to organize or lead things, I would end up just trying to make everyone happy and content with however our plans ended up. And then there were my relationships. I realized that as much as I love being spoiled and pampered (who doesn't?), I was happiest when they were happy. I spent my time giving backrubs, making food, picking up, being available and happy to have sex whenever and wherever, in any position they desired. Cuz that's what girlfriends should do. Right?
Anyyyyways. The point is. I like being submissive, it comes easily to me, in some ways. In other ways though, I am a stubborn bitch. Tell me to stop drinking when we're out at the bar? I will drink til I puke on your shoes. Tell me you don't want me to be friends with another guy? I'll bring him over every day just to annoy you. I'm obstinate, and ornery, and some other word that begins with 'O'. So needless to say, I never thought I would actually have a Dominant/submissive relationship. I figured the most I would get is kinky sex and maybe an occasional spanking. If I was lucky. Then I met Amaraxis*.
Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I had a lot of emails from guys on Fetlife. Most of them were more than 15 years older than me, and some of them asked if I wanted "to be so Dominated by me that you would wet yourself rather than go to the restroom without permission?". The answer to all of them was a resounding NO. But Amaraxis was different. Rather than compliment my tits, or tell me he wanted to chain me in his dungeon, he told me about himself, and his wife, and his job, and his experience in the kink community. I was intrigued, so I wrote back, and we became friends. Then, after a few weeks of discussion, I agreed to scene with him, the first time I had ever done anything like that. The extent of my 'beatings' was an occasional swat on the ass during sex, a couple smacks with a belt and once I got bruised boobs.
The act of removing my clothes, laying down, and letting myself be totally vulnerable to someone else was terrifying. I had no idea how I would react, if I would even like it, and if I could even take a beating hard enough to leave a mark. I kind of thought once he started I would end up screaming and freaking out and either hitting him, or locking myself in the bathroom. Oh how wrong I was. I LOVED it. Every second of it. Some of the toys were less pleasing than others, I hated the crops, and the dressage, but I loved the floggers and his bare hand. Soon we moved on to weekly spankings, and I fell in love with the belt. I became more comfortable with people being around, and started to hate the floggers but after a couple 'punishments', grew to love the crops.
The point is, I fell in love with pain. And with being submissive. So after a lot of talking, and a lot of time, we decided to move to the next level in our relationship, and he is now my Dom. It took some time to figure out our boundaries, hampered by the fact that neither of us are 'out' in our daily lives as far as our kink status goes. We have finally found a balance that seems to work for now. Obviously things change all the time, and we may have to tweek things in the future, but for now, its working, and we are both happy. I'm sure we will have issues to deal with, right now he is mentoring someone, and it is driving me insane, but we are able to communicate openly and honestly, and we will get through that too.
His other sub, his wife, is an amazing woman, and I love her dearly. I never thought I would get involved with a married man this way, I always figured if I had a D/s relationship it would be with someone I had a romantic and sexual relationship with as well, but life is full of surprises. It's kind of awesome actually, to have someone else to compare stories with, complain with, and bond with. I have days where I feel awkward that someones husband is spanking my ass, but then I have days where I am so glad to have her as well as him, to talk me through my issues, to laugh with me, and to be bratty to him with.
*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Anyyyyways. The point is. I like being submissive, it comes easily to me, in some ways. In other ways though, I am a stubborn bitch. Tell me to stop drinking when we're out at the bar? I will drink til I puke on your shoes. Tell me you don't want me to be friends with another guy? I'll bring him over every day just to annoy you. I'm obstinate, and ornery, and some other word that begins with 'O'. So needless to say, I never thought I would actually have a Dominant/submissive relationship. I figured the most I would get is kinky sex and maybe an occasional spanking. If I was lucky. Then I met Amaraxis*.
Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I had a lot of emails from guys on Fetlife. Most of them were more than 15 years older than me, and some of them asked if I wanted "to be so Dominated by me that you would wet yourself rather than go to the restroom without permission?". The answer to all of them was a resounding NO. But Amaraxis was different. Rather than compliment my tits, or tell me he wanted to chain me in his dungeon, he told me about himself, and his wife, and his job, and his experience in the kink community. I was intrigued, so I wrote back, and we became friends. Then, after a few weeks of discussion, I agreed to scene with him, the first time I had ever done anything like that. The extent of my 'beatings' was an occasional swat on the ass during sex, a couple smacks with a belt and once I got bruised boobs.
The act of removing my clothes, laying down, and letting myself be totally vulnerable to someone else was terrifying. I had no idea how I would react, if I would even like it, and if I could even take a beating hard enough to leave a mark. I kind of thought once he started I would end up screaming and freaking out and either hitting him, or locking myself in the bathroom. Oh how wrong I was. I LOVED it. Every second of it. Some of the toys were less pleasing than others, I hated the crops, and the dressage, but I loved the floggers and his bare hand. Soon we moved on to weekly spankings, and I fell in love with the belt. I became more comfortable with people being around, and started to hate the floggers but after a couple 'punishments', grew to love the crops.
The point is, I fell in love with pain. And with being submissive. So after a lot of talking, and a lot of time, we decided to move to the next level in our relationship, and he is now my Dom. It took some time to figure out our boundaries, hampered by the fact that neither of us are 'out' in our daily lives as far as our kink status goes. We have finally found a balance that seems to work for now. Obviously things change all the time, and we may have to tweek things in the future, but for now, its working, and we are both happy. I'm sure we will have issues to deal with, right now he is mentoring someone, and it is driving me insane, but we are able to communicate openly and honestly, and we will get through that too.
His other sub, his wife, is an amazing woman, and I love her dearly. I never thought I would get involved with a married man this way, I always figured if I had a D/s relationship it would be with someone I had a romantic and sexual relationship with as well, but life is full of surprises. It's kind of awesome actually, to have someone else to compare stories with, complain with, and bond with. I have days where I feel awkward that someones husband is spanking my ass, but then I have days where I am so glad to have her as well as him, to talk me through my issues, to laugh with me, and to be bratty to him with.
*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
No comments:
Post a Comment